


Slipping Away From Us

by casscrawls (revvon), nyanbacon



Series: Myriad [7]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Coma, Hurt/Comfort, Karai x Leonardo is mentioned briefly but not important, Leo Whump, Near Death Experience, Whump, all forms of hurt comfort, car crash, same with Leatherhead x Mikey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-06-24 17:22:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15635259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revvon/pseuds/casscrawls, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyanbacon/pseuds/nyanbacon
Summary: Leo thought he had started getting things under control...But then things really go to hell, and the battle to get back out of the pit is harder than any of the Hamato family had anticipated.





	1. Moondust

Exhaustion when waking up in the morning was nothing new to Leo. Hell, it was rarely ever different than that. A good night of sleep was just too rare for the young adult. 

This particularly uninteresting Wednesday morning was no different. When his alarm went off at five, Leo rolled out of his bed, nearly falling off in the process, and stumbled to his feet. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced around the room, squinting his eyes against the darkness, to see if he could find a fresh change of clothes. His gaze landed on the hunched figure of his younger brother, slouched over his desk and asleep on top of the half finished blueprints for another one of his personal projects. 

He sighed softly and picked his way across the vaguely cluttered room to rest his hand on Donnie’s slowly rising and falling back. Other than Leo, Donnie was the only one who could survive with such a screwed up sleep schedule, but even then he needed to sleep sometimes too.

He kissed the top of Donnie’s head and picked up his clothes, slipping into the bathroom to change and comb his hair out quickly. He paused when he heard a door creak open, before remembering Mikey also woke up at the crack of dawn to make breakfast. The only reason Leo hadn’t chewed him out about it yet was because he knew that without breakfast, anyone who crossed Raph’s path wouldn’t survive the day. 

He trekked down the stairs and watched in the entryway as Mikey went about trying to make breakfast as quietly as possible. He looked dead tired, and Leo wondered idly if he’d spent the night at the park again, but he decided it was unlikely. Mikey seemed a bit more open with them since then, so Leo had little reason to not trust him (he hoped. He hoped this wouldn’t backfire on him). 

“Morning Mikey.”

Mikey jumped slightly and looked at Leo before relaxing slightly and letting out a quiet chuckle. “Hey, Leo. Forgot you wake up this early.”

Leo walked over and ruffled his hair before grabbing a yogurt out of the fridge. Mikey looked at him. “Not staying for breakfast?”

“I can’t.” He sighed, glancing forlornly at the empty coffee pot before opening the yogurt. “But I’m not spending all day in a class. If you leave some for me, I can eat it for lunch.”

Mikey perked a bit, eyes lighting up. “Okay!”

Leo smiled as he watched Mikey get back to what he was doing, seemingly fueled by the idea of Leo finally getting a chance to eat his cooking again. He licked some yogurt out of the container as he moved towards the door, but paused when he saw Raph asleep on the couch. He sighed softly and wandered over, standing over him and wondering how long he could stand there before Raph woke up.

“Hey,” he finally muttered, reaching out and poking Raph’s stomach with his toe.

Raph groaned and batted at his foot. “Go away.”

“You fell asleep on the couch again.”

Raph opened an eye and glanced around the family room before closing it and burying his face into the couch cushion. “Shit.”

“Your neck okay?”

“It’s fucking fine, idiot.” He lifted his head, and then let it fall back on the couch. “Just go to work.”

“Whatever you say.” Leo turned on his heel and picked his keys up off the counter, licking another bite of yogurt out of the container.

“... Leo?”

“Hm?” Leo paused as he was halfway out the door and ducked back into the house to look at Raph.

“Just… stay safe.”

Leo watched Raph hide his face back in the couch, before he smiled. “Sure thing, Raphie,” he teased, mimicking Mikey’s pre-puberty voice. 

“Don’t call me that!” Raph shouted in sync with an offended, “hey!” from the kitchen. Leo quickly shut the door behind him, laughing, before Mikey could throw a frying pan at him. 

He sighed as he sat in the car and started it. He sat back and stared out the front window as he waited for the AC to kick in before pulling out of the driveway and heading off down the street. 

Traffic was usually light this early in the morning, so Leo wasn’t too concerned about making it to work on time. Plus, the stop lights always seemed to work in his favor, so he only ran into a couple of red lights. 

One of these red lights happened to be at the busiest intersection just outside the parking lot into the Starbucks. He leaned back against his chair, tapping his fingers against the wheel as he waited in the turn lane for the light to turn green.

He had a few seconds before the initial impact where something felt off, like some hidden instinct was telling him that he needed to get out of the way. He tightened his grip on the wheel, chewing on his lip and waiting for the feeling to pass. It’d go away eventually, right…?

He was aware only of the deafening screech of brakes behind him before suddenly, and with the ear splitting sound of tearing metal, he was thrown against the steering wheel and his vision went black.

 

“This morning, there was an accident at the intersection near Jefferson and Douglas involving a texting driver and another driver not able to respond to the crash in time.”

Raph glanced up at where the news was playing in the background dimly from the living room. Splinter had turned it on before going back upstairs to take a work phone call, leaving the brothers to listen to it.

“I just don’t get why people can’t simply put their phone away to drive,” Mikey muttered, spreading butter on his pancakes. 

“It’s dumb, but I guess it’s understandable,” Donnie muttered as he glanced at something on his phone.

Raph rolled his eyes, wondering if that was intentional, and looked back at the screen as he hunched over his plate of food. The news reporter appeared to be going over a diagram of how the crash had gone- rear ended and then T-boned.

“Damn,” Raph grunted. “Car must be totaled.”

“I hope the driver is okay.” Donnie finally looked at the television. “If the car was beat up that bad-”

The reporter paused. “It appears we have identification of the drivers, now that paramedics have arrived on the scene.”

Raph started to shut the reporter out as she listed off the names of the drivers who’d beat up the smaller car, before his blood ran cold at the final name.

“... and Leonardo Hamato appears to be the owner of the car caught in the middle.”


	2. Building This House, On the Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> R A P H

_ Raph had always hated hospitals.  _

 

Sitting in the hospital room by Leo’s bedside wasn’t exactly how he had planned on spending his week. (Then again, Raph had decided he was going to spend his week kicking Mikey’s ass in Splatoon, so he hadn’t really made any plans to change.)

 

Hospitals were scary. 

 

They were pristine and shiny and  _ terrifying _ . Because they weren’t there for fun, they were there because someone had gotten  _ hurt.  _

 

Leo’s room was no exception, with white walls and a white floor and a white ceiling. 

 

Sure, it hadn’t exactly been that long since he’d ended up in the room, but it was still  _ too long.  _ And the room was bleak. The monitors beeped steadily around them. 

 

Donnie was in a chair next to Leo’s head on his right, though he was slumped over, resting his head on his arms as they waited. And Mikey was in the corner, chewing on his pencil as he watched the monitors with such intensity that Raph was sure they would explode at any given second. 

 

_ (But they just kept beeping.) _

 

Maybe he should’ve been glad they were beeping. Leo was  _ alive.  _ He was right there in front of him on the bed. He was just sleeping. 

 

It was too quiet. 

 

The Hamato Clan was  _ never  _ this  _ quiet _ and it  _ scared  _ him. 

 

“We have school tomorrow,” Donnie’s voice cracked slightly as he spoke up, shifting a bit to turn and face Raph. “We have to go home.” 

 

For the first time since they’d arrived, Mikey spoke up. “I’m not going to school.” 

 

“None of us are. Dad can call the school tomorrow.” 

 

“Where’d he go, anyway?” 

 

Raph shrugged, turning his head to face Leo again. 

 

It was  _ too quiet.  _

 

—

 

The next morning, Raph woke to an empty room. 

 

It was dark and quiet, something they all knew was abnormal, even under these circumstances. Mikey always kept a light on when he fell asleep as of recently. 

 

He could barely make out the faint sound of sniffling and then it was silent again. 

 

\--

 

By the time he managed to drag himself out of bed and down the hall, it was almost noon. Donnie was on the couch staring at the ceiling, and Mikey was sitting in the corner chair on the switch, eyes flying across the screen as he worked desperately with whatever game he was currently trying to play. His eyes were unfocused and wide and he looked  _ exhausted.  _

 

Donnie didn’t look much better. The usual dark circles under his eyes were so much more pronounced. (Part of Raph wondered how he’d been able to sleep. The other part didn’t want to know.)

 

He had a project to finish. He should probably go do it. 

 

As he turned and slowly made his way back up the stairs, Raph couldn’t help the small twinge of anger he got and directed toward his brother.  _ Stupid Leo and his stupid tendency to get hurt.  _

 

Then again, he hadn’t really paid any attention to Leo the previous morning. He’d just told him to  _ stay safe.  _ Maybe if he’d looked up and actually seen his brother he could have said something about the angry circles that resembled bruises that had appeared under his eyes. Or the way he held himself at an angle, hunched over and defensive. 

 

_ Maybe if he’d looked at his brother without contempt they wouldn’t be in this situation.  _

 

Raph blamed Leo. Leo blamed Raph. The blame game never ended, rather, it evolved into something more as they grew up. It grew into fights and raised voices and wet eyes and sleepless nights. 

 

He remembered when he’d been  _ so close  _ with Leo. When they’d been inseparable. They’d done everything together. From reading to movies to playgrounds to homework to keeping Donnie from blowing up the house and Mikey from burning the kitchen down. They’d been a good team. 

 

(Part of him wondered who had changed more; Leo or himself? He couldn’t tell anymore.) 

 

Fury bubbled beneath the surface and Raph whirled around and stormed back down the stairs, pulling his sneakers on while throwing the door open with his other hand. 

 

_ “-ph? Raph?” _

 

_ “Raph, where’re you going?!” _

 

He wasn’t even aware he was out of the house until the sharp sting of the wind bit his exposed arms. He let out a breath and watched it float away, inwardly shying away from reason. 

 

He didn’t want to go to the park. It was too open, too warm.  _ (Too many fond memories.) _

 

Distantly, he was aware of the cluster of panic edging its way into his mind as he stomped down the street. Of the way his eyes felt watery. Of the odd delicacy of the whole situation. 

 

He wanted to  _ shatter this stupid illusion.  _

 

He would wake up the next morning and Leo would be  _ fine.  _ He’d be awake and bothering Raph to get of the couch and do something with his life. He’d be there with his gross yogurt and weird coffee choices. 

 

If only reality was capable of changing on a dime. 

 

Raph tucked his hands into his pockets and exhaled, closing his eyes briefly as he wandered down the street. 

 

(He wondered vaguely if the last thing he would ever do with Leo was insulting each other.) 

 

As soon as Leo woke up, Raph promised himself that he would make everything up to him. He’d stop making fun of his older brother and be friendlier. He wouldn’t push and shove his way through life. 

  
_ Leo will wake up soon,  _ he reflected as he turned the corner and approached the convenience store, determined to pick up some chips.  _ He has too.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry ee
> 
> 1.) this is late and short s o r ry I keep forgetting and then when I do remember it feels rushed so ew
> 
> 2.) its gross and I think I need to explain what happened; It’s mostly Raph’s thought process, not actions, that this chapter focuses on. 
> 
> Anyway thanks for making it through I guess?? Sorry again for the bad and late update lmaO
> 
> ~ Romano/Egg


	3. Like A Lost Astronaut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> D o n n i e

Donnie had always been a scientist. 

 

He was naturally intelligent. He had a good memory, and was perfectly capable of doing plenty of things on his own. Like cooking, reading, studying, working, testing, experimenting,—

 

His family was full of different attitudes. Loud, quiet, gentle, angry, stern, friendly, humorous, smart, strong, determined. And if even  _ one  _ variable was missing, the whole equation was thrown off kilter. 

 

_ Maybe that was why they were so badly affected when Mikey had stayed out late and lied about it to them.  _

 

_ Maybe that was why everybody refused to even make eye contact now.  _

 

Sitting in his ‘lab’— their basement— at his desk with several books propped open, nothing would be able to fill the frustratingly deep slice in his heart that reminded him, _ oh yeah, your oldest brother is in the hospital. Nice.  _

 

Nothing would fix it. It was just.. There. 

 

He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes and let out a muffled groan, rubbing furiously at them. 

 

Maybe he was the only one in their little family that wasn’t completely losing it. Or maybe he was the only one who was able to stand under such a loss. 

 

_ Don’t say that. _

 

Leo was fine. Coma’s didn’t necessarily mean  _ death, _ they just meant there was damage to the brain and the brain was trying to find the best solution to fixing itself. 

 

_ Right? _

 

Right. This was something Donnie could handle. 

 

He remained seated at his desk, tapping his pencil against the paper in front of him as he attempted to work through his slump. The equations on the page were suddenly confusing. They shouldn’t be, these were simple problems he should’ve been able to solve in mere  _ seconds _ . 

 

Maybe the world was telling him to take a break. 

 

—

 

He trudged up the stairs and opened the door, slipping into the hallway and into the kitchen as quietly as possible, praying not to run into anybody. 

 

His prayers were answered, since nobody was in the kitchen when he arrived. The stove was off, the table was clean, the sink was empty. 

 

It barely looked like the same kitchen anymore. 

 

Donnie sighed and reached up to the top shelf to pull a plastic dinosaur cup out of the cabinet, moving to the sink to turn the handle and flip the filter on, letting the cup fill up before turning the water off and flipping the filter back off. 

 

There wasn’t really anything good either, he reflected as he opened the fridge door. Just some old lettuce and broccoli. Okay, nothing he  _ considered good  _ for a snack. 

 

He huffed and made his way out of the kitchen, down the hallway and back down the stairs into the basement. 

 

—

 

He never realized how lost he would have been in life without a reliable older brother. 

 

Not to say that Raph wasn’t reliable! It’s just, Leo was a constant presence in the house. He was calm, collected, and usually pretty careful about the way he phrased things. 

 

(And he at least  _ tried _ to pay attention to Donnie when he talked about the biology of snapping turtles for fun.)

 

He burst into their shared bedroom, holding the book in front of him with wide eyes. “Leo, check this out, I found this new book and it really goes in depth with the.. statistics..” 

 

He trailed off. 

 

The room was dark and cold and empty. 

 

_ Oh, right.  _ Leo wasn’t home. He was in the hospital, sleeping off his injuries. He’d be home tomorrow. 

 

_ Yeah.  _

 

A little white lie to keep him functioning throughout the rest of the day wouldn’t hurt anybody. 

 

Just himself. 

 

—

 

The bedroom was cold. 

 

It was nice outside, even for 10:30pm. According to the weather app, it was around 78 degrees. 

 

Donnie had both windows open and four blankets on and he was still cold. 

 

The room was just  _ too quiet.  _ Maybe that was part of the reason? Usually their bedroom always had some sort of noise in it, whether it was the hum of an electronic buzzing of pages flipping of sheets ruffling or curtains blowing or just soft voices. 

 

There really wasn’t a good way to explain it, but the very atmosphere of the room felt so,  _ so different.  _ It felt almost  _ foreign.  _

 

In the darkness of his bedroom, Donnie finally allowed himself to crack. 

 

He was a man of science. He didn’t believe in the power of miracles, not to the extent certain others did. He was  _ smart _ , he was  _ fast, _ he could see attacks coming from his siblings a mile off. 

 

_ So why hasn’t he been able to see this coming? _

 

He prided himself on being the smartest in his family, maybe even more so than their father. He’d woken up that morning  _ knowing  _ that something felt off, and yet he’d just waved Leo off. He’d ignored the dark circles under his eyes, the wall he seemed to droop over when he stood still. 

 

A very,  _ very  _ distant part of him wondered what his family thought. He wondered how Raph was taking this. He wondered where Mikey was hiding. He wondered if Splinter was still meditating in his bedroom. 

 

He hadn’t seen his family since the trip back from the hospital, he realized. They’d all gone their separate ways after getting back to the house. 

 

_ Home.  _

 

It didn’t really feel like a home anymore. Not when someone so  _ vital  _ to the very structure of their family was missing. 

 

Donnie lifted one hand to touch his cheek. He pulled it back to stare at it. 

 

_ Huh _ . It was wet. He hadn’t even realized he’d been crying. Perhaps he had finally gone numb. 

 

_ “Leo, look at this!” Nine-year-old Donatello held up his book excitedly, brown eyes wide and happy. “Since you like turtles so much, I got a book so we could read it together!”  _

 

_ Leo turned away from the table and his own textbooks, taking the book from Donnie. “Aw man, thanks, Don!” He grinned, ruffling the boy’s already messy hair. “Tell you what; Once I finish up my homework, we can go sit on the couch and read it. Okay?” He held the book back out toward Donnie.  _

 

_ The younger boy accepted the book with a toothy grin. “Deal!” He chirped in response before hurrying into the living room to set up the couch in the most comfortable way possible.  _

 

_ Leo’s soft laugh followed him all the way out of the kitchen.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, crawling out of the depths of hell to place this here before sinking back down again.
> 
> I do this for every chapter; I’m sorry if it’s confusing I’m sorRY—
> 
> Also I’m referring to Fahrenheit in here bc that’s what I know. America why do you feel the need to be special.
> 
> ~ Romano


	4. From A Place The World Forgot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for vomit and needles
> 
> It’s not super descriptive but just in case

Mikey was an emotionally driven sort of person.

 

And in comparison to the rest of his talented family, he was also expendable and forgettable. That was something he was perfectly aware of, whether he liked it or not.

 

_(Mona had been very convincing in her arguments against his very existence.)_

 

Sitting cross-legged in his bedroom on the floor leaning against the wall, there wasn’t much to do but wait.

 

And Mikey _hated_ waiting.

 

It wasn’t like he was able to trade places with Leo. Which would be cool, but unfortunately impossible.

 

He was.. Numb.

 

 _“Maybe he hasn’t processed it yet,”_ Donnie had said in the car on the way back from the hospital.

 

So here he was, on the floor of his bedroom, attempting to sort through himself. Broken pencils and used paper lay scattered around him as he bounced his knee restlessly, anxiety seeping in.

 

It was.. Blank. He felt _blank._ Like the world was muddled and distant and _cold._

 

 _The universe is cruel._ He thought they were _finally_ done with drama but no. Peace was irrelevant to them. They had short breaks before they were promptly thrust into something else.

 

He was vaguely aware of the way the paper skimmed across his finger tip and drew blood. It glistened in the light as he stared at it, tilting his hand from side to side to watch the way it started to drip.

 

 _He was_ **_numb_ ** _._

 

The world was cold and mean and he _really_ didn’t want to put up with it anymore.

 

He reached back for a blanket and ended up with a cat.

 

Icy was purring softly, pressing her face against his palm. She felt soft and _real_ , a stark contrast to the way the blankets felt. _Fake fake fake._

 

Maybe it was remembering Icy that made Mikey get up. Or maybe it was because he finally realized his foot had fallen asleep. Or that his neck hurt. Or that he was out of paper to shred.

 

He stood.

 

And immediately felt dizzy and sat back down again, clutching Icy to his chest.

 

“Hey, Leo, I don’t think—“ He trailed off, dropping a pencil he’d picked up to cover his mouth with his newly freed hand.

 

 _Leo wasn’t home_.

 

Leo was asleep. Yeah, that’s all. _Leo was asleep._ He’d be home tomorrow, drinking his shitty coffee at the kitchen table and laughing at Raph’s poor attempts to make toast.

 

_He wouldn’t be in the hospital with tubes sticking out of his arms and a machine beeping constantly to show he was still in there somewhere. He wouldn’t have to be given any shots or have anything injected into his system to keep him alive and—_

 

Shots.

 

Needles.

 

 _Needles entering his older brother’s flesh as he watched on helplessly and the machine beeped and the nurses came and went and the talking faded and_ —

 

He could feel the bile rising in the back of his throat and he stood very abruptly again, ignoring the dizziness to sprint toward the bathroom and drop Icy on the floor to spare the poor cat.

 

He barely made it to the toilet before he keeled over and threw up.

 

The world seemed to tilt and he went with it, slamming head first into the side of the bathtub.

 

It was _bright bright bright,_ too bright, and he shielded his eyes from the angry bathroom lights with his hands, resting them on his face as he squinted. His head pounded.

 

Icy was meowing, pawing desperately at his arm and he just whined and rolled over, clutching his forehead as a sharp stab of pain sliced through him.

 

Icy stood and padded away, meowing the whole time.

 

Maybe he was hallucinating, but there was someone standing over him.

 

The world was so bright and the figure seemed to almost be illuminated, though at the same time everything was foggy and hazy and he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

 

“Leo..?”

 

And then the world faded to black.

 

—

 

Mikey woke up in his own bed, underneath what looked like every single blanket in the house.

 

And suddenly his vision was engulfed by a cat, who meowed loudly and rubbed his face with her own, purrs rumbling free.

 

“It was Icy, y’know.”

 

He tilted his head to the side and blue eyes met green. “What?”

 

Raph coughed into his elbow, sitting awkwardly on the desk chair that he had obviously dragged over to the bed. “Yeah. Your cat wouldn’t stop meowing, so we thought she caught a mouse and left it in the bathroom or something. Guess she caught _you_ instead.”

 

“See? She’s the best girl.” Mikey said, as Icy butted her face against his own affectionately.

 

It was quiet for a few minutes, save for Icy’s purring.

 

“What happened?” Raph asked suddenly, crossing his arms across his chest as he leaned back against the chair. “You were unconscious on the bathroom floor.”

 

Mikey shrugged to the best of his ability, one hand secure in the cat’s soft fur. “Nothing. I just..—“

 

And it all came flooding back.

 

His breath hitched suddenly and he couldn’t _breathe_.

 

It wasn’t _fair._ How come it was _Leo_ in the hospital fighting for his life? Of all people, it was _Leo_ who had been hurt.

 

 _“Mikey, hey, Mikey,—“_ Raph was saying, though his voice was hazy and faded. _“Mikey?”_

 

Tears. Tears pooled up in his eyes. “I miss Leo.”

 

Raph was silenced immediately.

 

It took a few moments, but a hand clasped itself on Mikey’s shoulder and he tilted his head to the side to look at his brother.

 

Raph’s eyes were wet too, though he was squinting in a last ditch attempt to keep the tears from falling. “Me too, little brother.” He said honestly.

 

And Mikey?

 

Mikey burst into tears.

 

Sobs wracked his body and he curled around Icy, crying into her fur as the cat purred weakly.

 

The hand on his shoulder vanished and he was engulfed in a strong hug, but his grip on the blankets never faltered.

 

_It wasn’t fair that Leo was in the hospital._

 

_Mikey wanted to hate the other people, he really did. The ones who had caused the crash. He wanted to feel anger at the mere thought of them._

 

_But he couldn’t._

 

_Instead, he just felt pity._

 

_They hadn’t meant for anybody to get hurt. And they could have been hurt too._

 

_Just a few days ago, they’d been in the very same car that had been totaled, laughing at some stupid comment one of them had made._

 

_And now the car was probably in the junkyard and Leo was on a bed in a cold, white-tiled hospital._

 

_And still, Mikey couldn’t bring himself to hate them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ice Cream Kitty is the real hero y’all,, good girl,,
> 
> Mikey please you soft jerk just hate them,, why are you so soft,, Mikey please,,
> 
> — Romano


	5. Give the World To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S P L I N T E R

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does one write from splinters POV?? I have no idea what he’s even like so I’m sorry in advance

Hamato Yoshi was perfectly capable of withstanding under enormous amounts of grief. 

 

Like when his wife died. When Shen, lovely Shen, had died in the hospital. 

 

_ He hated thinking about it.  _

 

Granted, he’d had four sons to worry about, he’d barely had time to think about Shen. But still. He’d lost the love of his life and he’d survived, if only barely. 

 

He’d just been lucky to have distractions. 

 

But this time?

 

_ This time there were no distractions.  _

 

His sons were growing up; Raph wasn’t ever home, Donnie was always holed up in the basement, and he never even knew where Mikey was anymore. 

 

And with a new hole in their family, they just seemed to distance themselves even more. 

 

Some say tragedy brings people together. 

 

Recent events make Splinter sure they were completely wrong when they said it. 

 

He sat on the rug on the floor in his room, legs and hands together as he does his best to meditate. To make a small escape for a bit. (Everyone else seemed to have their coping skills. Whether they were good or not was a whole different story.)

 

It was completely pointless; He couldn’t focus on anything other than the searing frustration that came with loss. 

 

_ No.  _ Leo was still alive. 

 

Splinter liked to consider himself an optimistic sort of person, but with a good dose of pessimism in him too. It kept him alive. 

 

_ You’re going to lose your son just like you lost your wife.  _

 

That was something that weighed heavily over his head. Shen had died in that very same hospital. 

 

He was doing his best, though. It was bittersweet, for some reason. He couldn’t quite place where the emotion was coming from, but at this point, he didn’t question it. 

 

_ “Aha! Tag! You’re it!” Raph was yelling, dashing away from Donnie as fast as his short legs would carry him. For a seven year old, he was pretty light on his feet.  _

 

_ Donnie let out a whine, breaking into a jog after his brother, only to pause and tap Leo’s shoulder. Leo, who had said he didn’t want to play and was now standing on the middle of the field with his arm outstretched.  _

 

_ “You’re gonna get it now, Dee!” Leo yelled above the laughter, though ocean blue eyes sparkled with a playful energy.  _

 

_ Splinter sat on the back steps, watching Mikey crawl around.  _

 

_ When the father lifted his head to look at his other sons, the world turned dark and Leo remained, blood spilling from a wound on his forehead.  _

 

_ “You should’ve warned me.” Leo was saying. “You knew something felt off and you let me go anyway.”  _

 

_ “My son, it is not what you—“  _

 

_ Leo cut him off easily. “You always tell us to trust our instincts. So how come you never trust yours?”  _

 

Splinter shot to his feet in cold sweat, eyes blown wide as he began to pace around the dojo. 

 

He didn’t want to wait around any longer. 

 

He could hear the tell-tale signs of Raph getting home, of the door slamming shut. Of Mikey in the kitchen, slamming pans together to distract himself. And Donnie in the basement, followed by the sounds of an explosion. Someone coughed, and the whole house fell silent. 

 

Splinter turned to start working on more meditation skills. He spread out the rug and sat down. 

 

The candles were warm and lit, reflecting off of the picture frames that stood littered around the house. 

 

Splinter missed his oldest son dearly. 

 

He had been right in that day-nightmare-thing; Splinter  _ had _ felt like something was off, and yet he let his son walk out of the house without arguing. 

 

He blamed himself. 

 

The phone rang and he moved across the room to pick it up. 

 

_ “H-hello?”  _

 

He vaguely recognized that voice.  _ Oh.  _ The other family in the crash. “Hello.” 

 

There was a soft exhale on the other line.  _ “I- Uh- I just wanted to call and ask you how Leo is doing?”  _

 

Splinter tipped his head to the side slightly to balance the phone on his shoulder. “He’s.. Leo is okay for now. We still don’t have a good date for anything.” 

 

Another exhale, this time much louder.  _ “I’m sorry, is there anything we can do to help?”  _ They sounded genuine enough. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

Hope seeped into their tone.  _ “Whatever it is, tell me. Please.” _

 

Splinter wrenched the phone away from his ear and held up the speaker to his ear, ready to fling it at given moment. “Please do not call us again.” 

 

And then he hung up the phone and sat down, burying his face in his hands. 

 

The candles burned on the ground him, the scents wafting together, the controlled flames slowly bringing heat inside the house. 

 

_ Don’t call us again.  _

 

Distantly, he wondered what Shen would say. Would she agree with his tactics? Or would she sympathize with the other family?

 

The answer was, honestly, yes. Shen would sympathize with the other family. Shen has never been good at holding grudges. 

 

Splinter was, though. He was the master of holding grudges. 

 

So even as he blew out the candles and stood to make it to the door, he chose to ignore the obvious tension in the air. 

 

He missed his oldest son dearly. 

 

Who would’ve known the house could be do quiet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait for such an awful update!! 
> 
> Things should speed up, though; My section is done and over with, and most of the next chapters are finished!


	6. There's Nothing I Can Do

Raph glared out the window of the small car as Splinter drove away from the school and back to the house slowly. He was slowly coming down from his anger high, and it left him shaking. Just… no longer in anger.

 

_ “What’s wrong, Raph?” A kid sneered and Raph tightened his grip around a pencil, glaring at his math homework as he struggled to finish it during lunch. _

 

He snatched his backpack up off the floor and moved to storm into the house, before Splinter placed a hand on his shoulder and stopped him in the driveway. “Raph-”

 

_ “Can’t do your work without your brother around?” A second one challenged, leaning over slightly to look at the badly done work. _

 

Raph shoved him off with a growl. “Gidoff me.”

 

_ “He doesn’t even go here anymore,” Raph growled, shaking a bit. He couldn’t muffle the anger welling in his chest, even if he tried.  _

 

“Raphael, we need to talk about your behavior.” Splinter said firmly.

“No we fucking don’t. Just leave me alone.” His voice wavered as he stormed into the house. His throat was tight. He didn’t want to talk.

 

_ “But it’s still hard on you, right?” _

_ “Harder than it should be for tough boy Raph?” _

_ “The rebellious delinquent of the family who doesn’t even care about his brothers?” _

 

“Raphael!”

“Just shut up!” Raph snapped, voice shrill in the empty house. “I don’t…” He  _ couldn’t _ talk about. His voice would break, and he didn’t know what would happen when it did, but he wouldn’t like it. 

 

_ “Shut up,” Raph growled, clenching his hands into fists.  _

 

“I know this is hard for you.” Splinter came around so he was in Raph’s line of vision, and he looked away, but didn’t move his body. 

“It’s not-”

“But you can’t take your anger out on other people.”

 

_ They started to laugh, and the sound was like nails on a chalkboard. He could hear his pulse in his ears, and without thinking, he turned and punched the loudest guy in the nose. _

_ The laughing stopped immediately. _

 

“It’s the only- I don’t know-” Raph sputtered, fumbling for a line of argument that he couldn’t follow, not with his thoughts as sporadic as they were.

_ All he could think about was the boiling anger he felt as he beat the absolute shit out of those kids.  _

“You have to find another way to cope.”

Something inside Raph snapped. He wasn’t sure what it was, because usually, it was  _ obscene, raging anger _ , but now, it didn’t start a flame in his chest like anger did.

It just made his chest hurt. 

His backpack dropped to the floor and he looked down at it. He couldn't make it out past the blurriness in his eyes, which he quickly tried to wipe away. He couldn’t cry.  _ He wasn’t going to cry. _

He had to stay strong, didn’t he? With Leo gone, he was the older brother now, and-

Oh  _ god _ , that just made it worse. 

His chest felt tight, and all of a sudden it became so hard to  _ breathe _ , wasn’t breathing an involuntary action or something? That thought curled up and died under the oncoming avalanche of anxiety before he could follow it too far. 

Tremors carded through his body and he wrapped his arms around himself, looking away from Splinter. He didn’t  _ want  _ things to be this way. It was too much. He couldn’t handle it. Responsibility? He could barely take care of himself,  _ dammit _ !

He felt someone place a hand on his shoulder and he tried to shrug it off, but their grip was firm. He wanted  _ so desperately  _ to yell at them to leave him alone, but he could barely get a deep enough breath to let another one out, much less yell at someone for touching him. 

So he didn’t. He just hung his head and pressed his forearm to his mouth as tears rolled down his cheeks. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do  _ anything _ . How was he expected to… to…

“Raphael…”

He sucked in a breath and opened his eyes to see the blurred out figure of Splinter crouching in front of him. He held his breath, letting his eyes close again as he hung his head. 

“I…” His voice died in his throat, and he turned to move away before Splinter caught his arm.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, dropping his arm. He closed his eyes, trying to keep more tears from falling down his chin. 

“Why don’t you go get some sleep?” Splinter said, voice soft in an attempt to calm Raph down. 

It didn’t, but hey, kudos for trying, right?

Raph nodded slowly, not finding the energy in him to argue. He was too upset, too tired, too…  _ empty _ to argue. Maybe he’d just managed to take all his anger out on the kid’s face. Who knew. 

He left his bag on the floor as he sniffled, turning to trudge up the stairs. He avoided looking at the door to Leo and Donnie’s room as he slipped into his own. He shut the door carefully behind him before resting his head on the door frame, biting his lip to keep more frustrated sobs from rising up out of his chest. He hated being so  _ weak _ , but there was something about Leo’s absence that made living so much  _ harder  _ than it needed to be.

_ He just wanted Leo to come home. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this one was confusing, it was confusing to write too, oops. I'm also really bad at writing Raph.  
> -nyanbacon


	7. Nothing Can Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what? a binge post? how unprofessional!  
> yeah yeah, suck it up. ive had these chapters in waiting for too long to keep them hidden any longer  
> -nyanbacon

Spending his nights spinning and crying instead of sleeping was a bad idea, Donnie realized, after spending several consecutive nights doing it.

It wasn’t that he was  _ trying _ to. It just sort of… happened.

Every night.

Without fail.

He was starting to grow tired- and more than just not getting enough sleep. It was… deeper, somehow. A tired rooted deep inside his chest that made his whole body move at the pace of a snail. 

He knew it had gotten bad when he woke up after a scarce few hours of sleep in a room that seemed cold without Leo, and he couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed. He wasn’t sure why, or what was holding him back, but it suddenly felt like heavy weights had been tied to his limbs and he wanted nothing more than to just curl up and stay there for the rest of the day.

_ Is this what depression feels like?  _ He wondered idly to himself as he watched the lighting in the room change from dark to a pale gray to the pastel yellow that shone in through the window around the time he was meant to be leaving for school. 

There was a knock on the door, and he didn’t answer. The creaking of the hinges made him flinch and hide further under the blanket draped over himself haphazardly. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. 

“Don,” Mikey called, and  _ oh god _ , how did he sound so happy? Even with a facade, how could Mikey seem so…  _ okay _ ? “Dad’s taking us to school today.”

It took Donnie a moment to register why this was the case. Obviously, his first thought was ‘why isn’t Raph taking us’ before he remembered Raph had gotten suspended for beating up some kids. 

“M’not going today,” he finally muttered, pulling the blanket a little further around himself. 

The silence that followed made Donnie nervous. He could imagine Mikey’s piercing blue eyes staring at him from across the room, and for a moment, Donnie considered that maybe ditching wasn’t going to be an option, according to his younger brother.

But then the door clicked shut without an argument, and Donnie relaxed his tense muscles. He was glad Mikey hadn’t insisted he go today. He wasn’t sure getting out of bed was even an option. 

\--

Much later into the day, when Donnie  _ could _ get out of bed, it occurred to him he’d just spent the night in yesterday’s clothes. He spent several minutes sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor and debating changing into something more comfortable, before deciding it wasn’t worth it. It was just clothes. What was the harm in spending another day or two in them, if he was just going to be laying in bed?

He pushed himself off the bed and to his feet, stumbling towards the door and out of the room. He paused at the top of the stairs to tune his ears to see if the TV was on. It sounded like it was. However, Donnie quickly lost interest in this train of thought as he walked downstairs. Just meant Raph was still home and not out taking a joy ride to work off steam. How convenient. He hoped Raph wouldn’t try to talk to him.

His prayers were not answered.

“Hey Don,” Raph grunted from the couch when the taller touched down on the tile at the base of the stairs. Donnie paused, wondering if he should just turn tail and flee back to whatever safety his blanket would provide, before settling on the thought that it was a bad idea. He’d just come down again in a couple hours, and by then, Mikey and Splinter would be home, and that social interaction would be even worse. 

He could handle it now. Probably. Hopefully.

“Hey.” He hoped his voice sounded livelier than it did in his head. Even forcing that much emotion was tiring.  _ God, _ he hoped these effects weren’t permanent.

He avoided Raph’s gaze as the redhead turned to look at him over the back of the couch. He moved around the kitchen silently, pulling a cup down from one of the cupboards and setting it on the counter.

“... everything okay?”

Donnie stiffened.  _ Oh god, _ he thought to himself. This was what he wanted to avoid. This level of socialization wasn’t what he came down here for. He wasn’t really sure  _ what  _ he came down for, but this wasn’t it.

“Yeah. I’m doing fine.” He forced his voice to sound more confident than he felt. He couldn’t let on to how bad he was feeling. It would just create more problems- problems none of them could deal with right now. “Just a bit tired.”

“... right.”

Raph didn’t sound convinced, but he didn’t push it, and Donnie  _ knew  _ it was because Raph didn’t want to deal with it. Or because he couldn’t deal with it. He could rarely ever deal with anything, so this just made it worse. But it was fine. This would be fine. Raph not talking to him was exactly what Donnie wanted. 

He stared at the cup before putting it back in the cupboard. Suddenly, self care didn’t seem significant. He wasn’t sure what had happened between now and thirty seconds previous, but suddenly, he just wanted to crawl back into bed. 

So he did. And he stayed there for who knew how long. It was easier than trying to live an even remotely normal life without Leo anyway.


	8. Colder Than The Darkest Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leatherhead x Mikey heavily mentioned  
> vomiting is an easy grief/trauma thing to write for so...  
> -nyanbacon

Getting through one or two school days on his own was hard enough for Mikey as it stood. There was something about having his brothers there with him that always made it  _ easier.  _ Now that both of them were staying at home, he trudged his way through the day living solely off the moral support of his friends.

None of them pushed him about it, which he was thankful for, but sometimes, he wanted nothing more than to just  _ talk _ about it. Have someone he could discuss it with, to try and figure out what he was feeling.

Despite this urge, he stayed silent. No one wanted to hear him talk about it. Otherwise they’d be asking questions, right? No, it was better if he suffered in silence.

“Mikey,” Leatherhead finally spoke during lunch, cutting Mikey off in the middle of an excited rant about…. Mikey wasn’t sure. He wasn’t really paying attention. “Are you sure you don’t want to eat something?”

Mikey blinked and glanced at the food that Leatherhead in front of him before wrinkling his nose. “No… I’m not hungry.”

Renet frowned from across the table. “You sure? You said you hadn’t eaten breakfast either…”

He shook his head, trying to ignore the rising nausea in his stomach. He  _ really  _ didn’t want to eat. “No, it’s fine. I’ll eat when I get home.”

In all honesty, Mikey hadn’t been hungry for days. Eating anything- even just the mention of it- made him feel horribly sick. He hadn’t thrown up again, but he always felt like he was about ready to. He wasn’t quite sure why, because he’d forcefully stopped thinking about what made him sick before, so he wondered if maybe it was because he was suppressing…

No. That’s crazy. And stupid.

He was pulled out of thoughts when Leatherhead placed a french fry in his hand and he frowned up at him.

“You need to eat something.”

“Leath-”

“I’m not giving you a choice about this.” He placed a hand on Mikey’s back. “I know this is hard for you, but you can’t just ignore everything in favor of ignoring it.”

The blonde looked down. “I’m not trying to…”

“I know. But regardless, you need to eat.”

He stared at the fry before putting it in his mouth and chewing silently. It felt like sandpaper and his throat almost wouldn’t take it, but he swallowed forcefully, and with a grimace.

\--

He felt sick all throughout the rest of the day. It took all his willpower to not text Donnie and bring him home (he doubted he would anyway, but it wouldn’t have hurt to try.)

It wasn’t until Mikey remembered they had a math test- as it was being passed out- that things got problematic. He hadn’t been paying attention, too lost in his attempts to keep from throwing up right there, and as he got handed the test, he realized just how much trouble he was in. 

He didn’t know  _ any _ of this.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t been paying attention, no, Mikey  _ understood  _ this unit. He’d done everything right. If anything, it had been an easy unit.

So why did all the questions look so foreign to him?

Had he been given the wrong test? No, that was unlikely. This teacher wasn’t the kind of person to make mistakes. And even if it had been, it wasn’t like he could just walk up and ask if it  _ was  _  the right test. What if it was? Then he’d just embarrass the crap out of himself. 

He hadn’t realized he’d fallen into deepset panic until he figured he couldn’t breathe. Or was it because of the feeling of vomit rising in his throat? All he knew was that he couldn’t breathe, and he was going to be sick. 

He was only faintly aware of someone placing a hand on his back before he retched onto what he assumed was his desk. He wasn’t sure, because he heard the sound of crinkling plastic, and he knew his desk didn’t make those noises, otherwise it would be a pain to sit in, but he was so far gone in his head he couldn’t quite register what was going on around him.

Until a familiar voice broke through the confusion.

“...key. Mikey.”

Mikey looked up at the blurry figure of Leatherhead and tried to focus his gaze on him. He could feel tears dripping down his cheeks but that wasn’t what he cared about right now.

“Do you want to go home?”

He nodded quickly. No thought had to go into that question. He wanted to be  _ anywhere _ but here right now. 

Leatherhead lifted him up carefully and Mikey buried his face in his shoulder as something large and plastic was thrust into his hands. It smelled tangy and sour and he avoided looking at whatever it was.

“We’ll return the trash can,” the taller informed whoever they passed as he carried Mikey out of the classroom and towards the nurse.

It took a moment for Mikey to realize the trash can had been the crinkling plastic.

—

Mikey still felt like shit by the time Donnie picked him up- since Splinter was out, and Raph wasn’t allowed on school grounds as long as he was suspended. He trembled a bit as the nurse led him out to the car and helped him into the back seat while Donnie watched in the rear view mirror.

Mikey kept one arm wrapped loosely around his backpack as he leaned back against the chair and looked at his pale reflection in the window. He was no longer as sick to his stomach, but he wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with Icy and shut out the world.

“Hey.”

He lifted his head when he heard Donnie’s voice. Donnie still seemed dead tired, and it reflected in how his voice lacked most emotions, but he was trying, and Mikey had to appreciate him for that. He reached into the passenger’s seat and handed back a blanket.

He took it in shaking hands and held it in his lap for a moment, frowning. “You didn’t have to…”

“You feel like crap, Mikey,” Donnie stated, making Mikey fall silent. “Making you comfortable is the least I can do.”

He blinked slowly before unfolding it carefully and wrapping it around his shoulders. It was one of the softer blankets in the house, and judging by the color, probably belonged to Raph. He wondered idly if Raph had told Donnie to take it as he settled down into it and looked out the window. 

He was asleep by the time they were home.


	9. I Long To Hear Your Voice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavy hints of Karai x Leo but not relevant until later installations.  
> -nyanbacon

Karai stared up at the fluorescent lights glaring down at her in the hospital elevator. The small area around her was silent, void of people, and all she could listen to was the faint rattling of the well kept cables lifting her up further into the building. It was painful.

She hated the hospital. It brought back bad memories, memories of her mother, and sometimes the things her father would do to people, and how  _ guilty _ she would feel about it, even though it wasn’t her fault.

Even now, there was some painful twist in her gut whenever she thought about the idea of Leo…

She pushed that thought away quickly, being jerked out of her thoughts when the doors opened on the floor she’d been directed to. She took a slow breath, a steadying breath, feeling her heart speed up, before walking out onto the floor and glancing around. She veered off to the right, following the signs for room 316.

She hated the walk. It was agonizing and it made her wonder if maybe she shouldn't be here. What if someone from his family was there? It’s not like they knew her, but maybe they did. And she didn’t have the reputation of being liked by people who knew little about her. She also didn’t hold the reputation of making good first impressions. 

The whole thing- simply being at the hospital- was anxiety inducing for her. She walked a bit faster as she passed the rooms, less wanting to be there to see him, and more wanting to get done what she needed to get done and get out.

This feeling was gone the moment she opened the door and her eyes fell on Leo. He looked… dead. The only thing signifying he wasn’t was the constant beeping coming from the monitors, but even that was little comfort. It was a clear reminder of how Leo was relying on the machines to keep him alive, lest he slip away from those who loved him.

Slowly, as if in a dream, Karai walked forward to stand by the bed. His complexion was pale, and there were several bandages taped to his cheek and neck, and his left arm appeared to be wrapped in a plaster cast. She brushed her fingers along it lightly, but recoiled when she felt the roughness of the plaster. It wasn’t what she was used to when she touched his arm. 

She sat down heavily in a chair next to the bed and watched him, praying to a higher being she didn’t believe in that he would wake up. That he could put this behind him, like he did with everything, and take a new fresh step in the right direction. It would be a lie if she said she didn’t admire his resilience.

Her chest ached and she took a shaky breath, sitting back. She couldn’t look at him any longer, if she didn’t want to start crying. She hadn’t expected to be this emotionally distraught by seeing him. Sure, she expected it to be  _ bad  _ but there was something more stirring inside her and…

It scared her, more than seeing Leo like this did. She clenched her hands into fists in her lap and glanced at the envelope she’d been holding. In fancy cursive on the front were the words ‘For Leo’, slanted ever so slightly in what was obviously Karai’s handwriting. It was small, and sealed neatly, and didn’t look like she’d written and sealed it with shaking hands just hours before arriving. 

She took a breath, sitting up a bit straighter, and rested it on the table up against a vase of half wilted flowers. She glanced at the flowers before looking at Leo, wondering if she should change out the bouquet.

She quickly shook her head and stood up, brushing her fingertips softly against Leo’s. For a moment, she could’ve sworn his fingers twitched, but she quickly brushed it off.

After leaving that note, the last thing she wanted was him waking up while she was still here. 

She walked through the hallway, keeping her head down to avoid having doctors try to stop her and talk about Leo’s condition. She didn’t need to know. She didn’t want to know. She could feel her legs moving faster as she walked further along the hallway, feeling the need to get away from the hospital, the room,  _ him _ , everything. 

She yelped as she stumbled, her shoulder hitting someone else as she passed by someone storming stiffly down the hall. She turned, opening her mouth to bark out a cold shouldered retort, but stopped.

Down the hall, a painfully familiar redhead was turned the same number of degrees, mouth open to probably tell her off as well. He looked her up and down, and then shut his mouth, raising his chin slightly. “Karai,” he greeted, voice not void of hostility.

“Raphael,” she responded in a cold tone.

Raph glanced down the hallway at Leo’s room, then back at her. She stiffened slightly as something seemed to dawn on him, and bit her lip, wondering if he’d chew her out; tell her off for being here when she wasn’t wanted (once again she found herself wondering what exactly they knew about her. Did Leo  _ ever _ talk about how she treated him? She didn’t know.)

Instead, he said nothing, but turned on his heel and stalked the rest of the way down the hallway. She relaxed, eyes widened slightly, as she watched him go.

She was pushed back against the wall as Raph’s younger brothers followed quickly. They all looked… tired. Troubled. 

Karai shoved her hands back into her pockets, looking away. Somehow, she felt guilty about coming. Seeing them so torn about their brother, like their lives depended on him living… it made it seem like her reason for visiting was superficial. Unnecessary.

She leaned against the wall of the elevator as it dropped back down to the ground floor. Her heart felt heavy, and she wondered how long Leo would be out before it came time to accept he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The letter will be mentioned again, so just be patient.   
> 2\. The final chapter will be posted... eventually.  
> -nyanbacon


	10. Buried My Love In The Moondust

The first thing Leo realized when he woke up was that it was bright.

Blindingly so.

He groaned and shifted- or, at least, he tried to. The pain that shot up from the rest of his body made his breath catch in his throat.

“...o. Leo!”

The voice calling him sounded familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it, not over the ringing in his ears and the pain in his body. He let out a soft whine past the lump in his throat, trying to get his bearings and fumbling for something, _anything,_ to tell him where he was, what was going on. He couldn’t see, he couldn’t feel, he couldn’t hear anything he recognized-

“My son.”

Wait.

He _knew_ that voice.

“Da…” he tried, but his voice died in his throat. He couldn’t get it out. He didn’t know why, but it wouldn’t…

“Calm down, Leonardo.”

Leo took a slow breath. He could almost feel himself shaking, but his senses were still far too overwhelmed to accept is as fact or not.

“Try and breathe, and focus on how you feel.”

He could remember those words- they were associated with _something,_ he just couldn’t-

“Dammit, Leo, just talk to us!”

Raph. _Raph._ What was Raph doing? Where was he? Raph _never_ wanted Leo talk to him.

“Raph, you need to be patient,” Donnie said, voice distant. _Donnie_. He knew these names, but he couldn’t remember what he was doing, why he was where was he was- where even was he? He didn’t know!

Something must’ve happened beyond Leo’s perception because it got quite. Until Splinter spoke again.

“Remember to meditate, my son.”

 _Meditation_.

Leo fumbled through the haze in his mind to figure out what he was feeling. He relaxed, evening his breathing out so he could feel air moving through his lungs again. He focused on the way it made the back of his mouth cold when he breathed in, and warm again when he exhaled. It was consistent. It was something he could ground himself against.

From there, he was able to bring feeling back into his body. It was… painful. There was something wrong in his shoulder, like it needed to pop. His arm was constricted and sweaty, and there was a jarring pain in his ribcage that kept him from taking too deep a breath without seeing spots. On top of all that, it felt like someone was splitting his head open with an axe.

Finally, _finally…_ Leo opened his eyes.

The world was fuzzy and he could barely make out shapes, but the colors were there, and the colors were all he needed.

He could tell Splinter was standing on his right, close to his head. His presence radiated some sort of calm- something Leo was grateful for. On his other side stood Raph and Donnie, the former closer than the latter.

Leo frowned and blinked his eyes, trying to clear his vision. “Where’s Mikey?” He rasped, his first instinct alarm as he realized one of his brothers wasn’t there.

There was a silence where no one spoke, or moved, before Raph disappeared from his side and something jostled his shoulder. He sucked in a gasp through his teeth.

“You’re so fucking stupid,” Raph growled softly in his ear.

Leo sighed softly and reached up with his left hand, placing it softly on Raph’s back as the hothead hugged him a little tighter.

“How’re you feeling my son?” Splinter said calmly.

“... bad,” Leo admitted honestly. “Did I… what happened?”

There was another silence.

“You… were in a car crash,” Donnie murmured. “You’ve been in a coma for two weeks.”

“... oh,” Leo stated dumbly, unsure of what to say.

“Can you see anything?” Donnie continued. Leo didn’t miss the voice crack as the younger spoke. “You’re kind of…”

“Looking all over the place?” Leo filled in. “Yeah, I… everything is really blurry.”

Raph hit his shoulder again and Leo hissed, reaching up and pushing at him. “Raph, could you let up a bit? That kinda hurts.”

He quickly straightened and sniffed. “Sorry.”

Leo let out a shallow sigh. “Do… I have…”

“No,” Donnie interjected. “No permanent brain damage. It just sometimes takes awhile for your body to get accustomed to being awake again.”

Leo nodded slowly. “So where’s Mikey.”

“Right here.”

Mikey’s voice sounded small and tired, and Leo turned his head to look at the orange shape sitting curled up on a chair. His vision was gradually coming back and it looked like Mikey was holding a bedpan.

“Would you three mind stepping outside?” Splinter asked softly. “I’d like to speak to Leonardo alone.”

Donnie hesitated before turning to help Mikey to his feet. Raph, however, stood his ground.

“I’m not leaving his side.”

“Raphael-”

“It’s fine, Dad.” Leo looked at Raph. “He can stay.” He felt Raph take hold of his hand and he squeezed Raph’s had softly in return.

Donnie led Mikey out of the room, leaving Raph and Splinter.

“Leonardo,” Splinter started as Raph pulled up a chair. “I know you said you felt bad, but could you elaborate? I want to know what to tell the doctor.”

Leo gripped Raph’s hand a bit tighter. He didn’t want to admit this in front of Raph, but he didn’t have a choice.

“My shoulder. And my… there’s something wrong with my ribs. And my head hurts a lot.”

“I’m sorry.”

“... huh?”

“I’m… sorry, Leo.”

Leo looked at Raph- or, Raph’s figure- with a frown. “... why?”

“I… should’ve stopped you. You looked so tired and I didn’t… I should’ve…” Raph’s voice wavered and he seemed so _vulnerable_ \- Leo had only seen Raph this weak a couple of times, and he’d never been open about it with Leo.

“Hey, hey hey.” Leo tugged on his hand gently. “It’s okay. None of this is your fault.”

“But-”

“Raph, listen. We couldn’t have foreseen this. I know, it’s bad. But I’m okay, and I'm not going anywhere. You shouldn’t be worrying, and you certainly shouldn’t be blaming yourself.”

Raph sniffed and didn’t say anything.

“I'm going to go get the doctor.” Splinter stood.

“I'll go with you.” Raph stood up. He paused and looked at Leo, and rubbed the back of his hand softly with his thumb, before placing his arm on the bed delicately and going to follow Splinter.

Leo watched them go with a small smile before letting his eyes drift closed so he could try and remember the last thing he could.

 

He jumped awake when he felt something poking at his arm and opened his eyes. His vision had cleared considerably and he could see the doctor on one side and Donnie on the other.

Donnie looked at him. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“You okay?”

Leo nodded slowly, looking over Donnie’s disheveled figure. “... you?”

Donnie looked away and said nothing.

“Hey.” Leo reached out and brushed his fingers along Donnie’s arm softly. “What’s wrong?”

“I missed you,” Donnie admitted quietly, still not looking at him. “We all did. Raph- Raph got suspended and Mikey can’t keep food down-”

Leo felt his stomach fill with dread.

“-and we were… so worried were were gonna lose you, and I didn’t…” Donnie was so close to tears it was painful to watch.

Leo softly rubbed Donnie sarm with his knuckles, idly observing how tightly folded they were over his chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Donnie looked at him with wet eyes as the doctor stepped away. “... I know.”

 

Mikey sat with Leo when Donnie and Raph went with Splinter to talk to the doctor. After taking a few moments to muster up enough energy to stay awake for another conversation, Leo turned his head to look at him. “How’re you feeling?”

Mikey lifted his head as he was pulled out of his thoughts by Leo’s voice. “... better.”

“You still sick?”

“Donnie says m’not sick.”

Leo shrugged with his one good shoulder. “Have you eaten anything?”

“... no,  but I don’t think you’re in a position to be lecturing me about it.”

Leo laughed softly, and Mikey smiled weakly. “Touche.”

“... I'll eat something when I get home,” Mikey promised. “As long as you rest.”

He considered this. “Alright. It’s a deal.”

Some color had come back to Mikey’s face by the time the others got back.

 

Raph and Donnie helped Leo to his bed once they got home. Mikey sat perched on the end of the bed while Raph sat next to Leo and Donnie brought up some water.

“You don't need to fawn over me,” Leo said softly as they settled down around him like vultures waiting for their prey to fall victim to death.

Raph snorted. “Yeah right.”

“We aren’t letting you get that bad again,” Donnie said as he sat down in a chair next to the bed.

“Yeah but-”

“Hey,” Mikey interrupted. “You promised you’d get rest when we got home. Arguing isn't resting.”

Leo paused. “Yeah, but you haven’t eaten.”

Mikey yelped as Raph grabbed his arm and pulled him off the bed. “Go eat, you little shit.”

Mikey grumbled as he stumbled out of the room and down to the kitchen.

“Language, Raph,” Leo reprimanded, exhaustion creeping into his voice, as he buried the side of his face into his pillow (he hadn’t realized until then how much he missed his bed.)

Raph huffed and folded his arms.

“Mikey’s right, though.” Donnie nodded. “Rest is the best idea right now.”

“Then I’m going to sleep.”

Donnie ushered Raph out of the room with little issue and left with him, closing the door behind him. Leo watched before smiling and closing his eyes.

He wasn’t sure what would change, but… maybe it would be best if he gave himself a break.

His family deserved that much from him.

 

(Karai’s note lay unopened on his nightstand.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y i k e s that was a long chapter.  
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading! romano_egg_biscuits and I both hope dearly that you enjoyed reading! It was a lot of fun to make this one.  
> And uh, yeah, the cliff hanger will be resolved... eventually :)) guess you'll have to stick around to find out what happens.  
> -nyanbacon


End file.
